The Note
After my dad passed away, I found a small box of keepsakes tucked in the top drawer of his dresser, right there in his sock drawer. Mixed in with a few personal treasures was a small handwritten note I had written him 44 years earlier.
“Dad, sorry I haven’t been acting cool. It probably was best I didn’t go to Ohio. Friends again?”
That little note brought back a moment I had not thought about in years.
Why I Never Made It to Ohio
I had just turned 18. Back then, the drinking age in Indianapolis was 21, but in Ohio it was 18. To my 18-year-old brain, that sounded like a brilliant road trip opportunity. To my dad, it sounded like a bad idea wearing blue jeans.
He told me no.
Naturally, I let him know he was being mean. I told him he did not care how I felt and only cared about making me do what he wanted.
Then he calmly asked, “Isn’t that what you’re doing right now?”
That stopped me.
He asked me to think about how worried Mom would be. He also asked whether I had considered anybody’s feelings besides my own. Just like that, he turned the whole thing around. I thought the issue was freedom. He showed me the real issue was consideration and kindness.
So I did not go to Ohio. Later, I wrote the note. What I did not know then was that my dad would keep it. That part gets me now.
What He Was Really Teaching Me
At 18, I thought love meant getting my way. I thought saying yes was kind and saying no was mean. But my dad showed me something better.
Love is not always soft. Sometimes it protects. At other times, it draws a line. And sometimes it cares enough to be misunderstood for a while.
What This Has Me Thinking About Now
At Dig Dig, we see that kind of love all the time. It is not flashy. Instead, it is patient, steady, and often inconvenient. It looks like guiding, correcting, teaching, and sometimes being the “mean” one for a minute because you care more about your child than being popular.
Turns out my dad was not being mean.
He was showing me what love looks like.
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